Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
