My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
