TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
