Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
