If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
