i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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