Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
