Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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