My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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