He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
