Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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