and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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