The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
