when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
