Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
