never play flip cup with pint glasses
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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