i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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