Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's shark week go big or go home
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
