eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
