i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Randomize
