don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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