hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
