"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
