"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
