Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
