Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
