I want to walk on stilts...naked
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
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