trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
