Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
