You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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