the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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