..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
