So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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