I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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