At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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