About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
