cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
