im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
