i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
