I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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