and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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