He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
