If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
