she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
