wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
