i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
