Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I didn't shave. On purpose
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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