guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
