Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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