Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
