He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
