I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
