And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
