I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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