What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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