Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
