it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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