Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Blood and glitter go together right?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
