Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
