I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
