i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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