I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
